Welcome to my current obsession.
It’s Wednesday morning. I’m wrapped up in a blanket with a bowl of Kashi cereal and my home-brewed Starbucks coffee, just re-reading these words. I’ve had this blog post written for days. Since then, many things about our American culture have stirred me to respond in writing – the face of human rights, the almighty power of the press, women training for the front lines of combat, etc. I’m actually not going to give those topics the time of day. There is something more unsettling in my heart, and it does not concern our society as a whole, it concerns the individual. Namely, me and you.
When I started this blog, I had a strong desire to create a space where readers and writers like myself could openly admit that they don’t have the discipline to meet with God every day or the righteousness to obey Him with every choice. I wanted to clear the air of Christian stereotypes, break down the walls of denial, open the door for honesty, and facilitate change. I wanted to focus on what is truly holy.
Let’s be honest. The name ‘Grace When I Forget’ came to me last year in a grocery store parking lot. I sat in my car wondering why I didn’t love writing for the newspaper. Am I lazy? Do I just not want to work?? Yes, actually, I can be very lazy. But on this day, I realized that I had no desire to climb the journalist’s ladder because it was so far from my passion or concern. My thoughts were consumed by a spiritual burden. College is over, so what if I forget about Jesus? What if I start getting tunnel vision and start living on my own terms for my own benefit? I was picturing myself indifferent to God and other people – like a zombie, because at the time I was really getting into that show, The Walking Dead.
Anyway, the burden I felt was not only for my life, but also for the girls in my high school youth group, friends, coworkers, and all the young women around me. I didn’t want to forget about Jesus, and I didn’t want to be able to hide from Him when I felt guilty. I'm sure many women feel the same way!
So here's the back-story:
The ‘grace’ when I forget doesn’t mean “oops” I forgot. Doing my own thing, living without regard for His will in my life, disobeying Him, not making time for Him – this is what Elyse Fitzpatrick called our Christian “amnesia”. I forgot I didn’t live up to God’s standards, I forgot that Christ built the bridge for me to commune with Him again, I forgot that it cost his life, and I forgot that He wanted mine. If life with Christ was just about taping an apology around pure rebellion, we would all be righteous looking little liars. Forgiveness is God’s promised gift to us when we return to Him, and His grace provides a canopy for us even when we don’t think we need it. It motivates us to stop denying that we are naturally selfish and willful people. And it teaches us who we are in order to best understand Him. So, what’s more important than instagramming selfies that show the world how real we are? Being real with ourselves.
The good news is, you and I are doing this together. You are not the stray cat at church, and I have no excuse to isolate myself. The church is Christ’s body, and we work together. As this blog progresses, I will continue to write about women’s issues and counseling topics, but you also have the ability to help others remember Jesus. Maybe you actually like writing for the newspaper and can tolerate CNN. Maybe you want to be a mom. Maybe you have no idea. Doesn’t matter – we all have an influence on someone, somewhere. Therefore, whatever we do, let’s not forget whose kingdom we live for, and let us be known by our love.