Bruised Feelings: What to do When You are Hurt

Let’s face it, being a woman has its own spectrum of emotions. There are often times when we are hurt or offended, and the other person has no idea that we are holding them responsible. Sometimes others mean to inflict pain and other times we take it upon ourselves, but there is a right way and a wrong way to deal with both. And, believe me, I have chosen the wrong way plenty of times! Emotions can be tricky since we may know the right response, but we choose to act like children because the heat of the moment seemed to call for it.

Here are a few thoughts for taming your emotions when you are feeling hurt.

Try to Understand It from Their Perspective: No, I mean, actually try. Giving fellow believers the benefit of the doubt is not only helpful for your heart to overcome the pain, but it is also a biblical response to hope all things. That is true love (1 Cor. 13:7 & 13:11). Put your childish ways behind you so that the outcome of the situation can benefit both you and the other person. At the very least, they should know you do not wish them harm.

Forgive from the Heart, the Head and the Hands: In love, thought and deed. In situations where you have been wronged, true forgiveness first happens in your heart where you deal with your most immediate response to that person. You must first realize that if you let your emotions drag you to a place where you hate someone, you cannot say you love God – you would be lying! God has made it clear that if you love Him you will love His people (1 John 4:20-21; James 3:16-18). As a result of forgiving that person in your heart, you must choose not to replay what this person has done to you in your head. Us women are especially good at brooding over wrongdoing, as if we enjoy suffering because it displays another person’s sin. We love other people by dismissing thoughts of their personal offenses toward us, and instead, thinking about whatever is good, pure, lovely, holy, etc. Finally, we portray forgiveness in a way they can see (Hebrews 10:23-24; Colossians 3:12-14). The way that you apply this to your life will look much differently than the next person, but what you can be sure of is the inexplicable joy that comes from offering peace and harmony to someone who may not deserve it, may not expect it, or may not even acknowledge it. You are offering your life to the Lord.

Disclaimer: Because feelings and thoughts are so complex, please do not feel like you’ve failed when a thought creeps into your head and you begin to feel the bitterness in your heart sinking in again. This is another opportunity for you to choose to obey the Lord again. Don’t look back! Choose to love Him, choose to forgive, and choose to love this person again.

Forgive and be Forgiven: Do not be the Unforgiving Servant. Read Matthew 18:21-35. Think about what you feel is owed to you. An apology? A peace offering? You may recall a debt too great for you to pay with the Almighty. Who provided the peace offering for you to be right with God? He did! What better picture of forgiveness than that. A sinless life and death was provided by the One who was offended, for the ones who cannot even begin to appreciate it (Ephesians 1:7-8; 1 Peter 4:1-3). This is not meant to be harsh, but it may help put the situation into perspective. No earthly forgiveness comes close to the love and forgiveness God has shown us.

Harboring hurt feelings will only make them rot away into bitterness, and bitterness in time will rot your heart. While there are no healthy ways to protect yourself from being hurt by other people since it is the nature of relationships in a sinful world, you can still choose to respond with a soft heart by loving God with your inner responses, your thoughts, your words, and the manifestation of His forgiveness in your life.