Twenty & Single

I don’t know many college-age young women who naturally enjoy being single, and I don’t look down on them for that because when I was in college, I didn’t like it either! There are lots of wonderful things that come with a relationship, and marriage is God’s idea, so readers, please know that I am in complete support of all you couples. However, this post is for the privileged singles.

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‘Singleness’ is so much more than the word implies. The meaning of ‘single’ does not include where a person lives or works or what year they are in school. It does not tell you who they care for or what ministry they are in. It doesn’t hint at a person’s goals or priorities, how fun and creative they are, or how talented they may be. All of these things God has lovingly intended for this particular person, and ‘singleness’ does not negate or inhibit any of them.

There is so much more to singleness than merely being single!

The word ‘single’ in relationship terms is meant to describe one facet of a person’s being – married or unmarried; but the season of singleness involves choices and plans that could not be made in any other phase of life. For all my unmarried readers, make a list of the things you can accomplish now, without needing to ask your husband and without considering how your choice will affect the kids. For readers who aren’t dating either – who are some people you want to invest in? What ministry do you want dive into? Take the time you would spend on the phone with a boyfriend, the emotional energy it takes to commit, the joy of caring for another person, and spend it on someone else!

Before I began dating my fiancé, I read Elizabeth Elliott’s Let Me Be a Woman. I was very interested in becoming a godly woman whether God wanted me to be a teacher, a stay-at-home mom, or something completely outside my vision for myself. Her section on singleness broke the stereotype for me that singleness is a curse for girls who don’t have “it” – whatever “it” was. This particular quote shaped my view of single life and calmed my anxiety when I had those forever-alone pity parties. 

She simply said,

Single life may be only a stage of a life’s journey, but even a stage is a gift.

It is one stage, not a permanent state. And most importantly, it is a gift.

Maybe you’ve already read the wise words in Ecclesiastes that there is a time for everything, a season for every activity under the sun (3:1), and maybe you try to remember that God is the giver of all good gifts (James 1:17). But do you realize that God says He will not withhold any good thing from those who walk blamelessly (Psalm 84:11)? If a relationship, or marriage, were a good thing for you right now, would you have it?

What good gift has He given you instead?
And how will you use it.

There is so much more to talk about with singleness -- perspectives to refresh those who are weary, practical ways to use this time, and spot-application of God's Word to our hearts in this area. If you would like to contribute to this topic on the blog, please email me at seegerle@mail.masters.edu, subject "Twenty & Single." Next time we will counter common lies about singleness with Biblical truth, covering some of the major issues that accompany this topic such as beauty and self-esteem.